Today, October 1, 1998 my friend and mentor Lawrence Hess stopped fighting the constant battle he had fought for most of the years of his short life. Diabetes claimed his body, but as many people know, his presence touched many, through his music and his unstoppable humor. I couldn't hope for a better friend.

Lawrence was as gifted a musician as you might ever hope to hear. The world will be a more silent place without his talent. From the time of his mention in "Ripley's Believe it or Not", to his accomplishments both in bands and solo, Lawrence knew music. When I first met him, I used to think it was all he ever knew or cared about. I was wrong. For Lawrence always considered himself to be on borrowed time, and he used what little time he had well.

I met Lawrence in 1993 while working at a computer store in Ephrata, PA - a town he called home. After a few visits to my store, we talked about music and computers (two things we had in common) till finally, he convinced me to see him play, and I wasn't sorry. For a while, I became his roadie and biggest fan. During which time I found that a lot of people considered themselves his biggest fan.

A friend will always listen to you, no matter how pathetic you sound. That’s a good thing because shortly after Lawrence invited me to hear him, I invited him to hear my band. We were pretty awful, but he smiled through it and encouraged us nonetheless. It was like that with Lawrence. In times when things seemed so bleak, he was quick to crack a joke, or give you a look that could only make you smile. Indeed, you’d HAVE to smile, or he’d keep pestering you with jokes, faces, or bodily gyrations until you gave in. I never knew Lawrence to stop trying to entertain.

There were darker times however. Things those only few knew about the man. Of all of those who came to hear him play and sing, few knew of the deadly disease that ravaged his body. In the brief time I knew him, I came to know his pain firsthand. His daily regimen of anti-rejection drugs, blood pressure medication, and insulin shots was almost an obsession. There was no such thing as Lawrence forgetting to take his medicine. In fact, there were times that were it not for Lawrence correcting a doctor’s oversight, he may have come to this pass sooner than now.

He suffered through a divorce, and shortly after that, I also underwent the emotional pain that only broken hearts know. It was during times like these that we leaned on each other for support and encouragement.

As I see it, he had only 3 answers to the constant daily struggle of surviving. The first and foremost was his music. And what beautiful music he played! You know, he’d play ANYTHING! His technical musical skills bordered on the savant. I remember one day he came over to my house to visit and brought with him a tape he had just purchased. He was excited by a song he heard on the radio, and went to the music store to buy the single.

After only hearing it once through, he sat down at my keyboard and began working out the song. By the third run of the song, he had it – perfectly! His abilities never failed to amaze me. Another example would be one day I had been with him after hours and we were fooling around with a few tunes. Suddenly, he broke into a song, with his drums, guitar, and keyboard all playing furiously. I watched in total amazement as he broke into a solo that to this day I will never forget. While fingering chords on his guitar on one hand, he was playing a totally different part on the keyboard with his other. After the song stopped, he looked over at me and said, "What’s wrong Chuck?" I told him that nothing was wrong, but that I’d never heard or seen anything like what he had just done. He said, "Whatddya mean?" Up until that point he didn’t even know that he was playing two different complex parts at the same time.

He had that ability with everything that was part of his show though. If you noticed while he was playing, you’d see him fiddling with his mixer or his sequencer – to Lawrence, the sound had to be perfect. He wanted more than anything to show people a good time. He wanted the music to bring out the emotions of the crowd without distractions. He wanted them to feel how he felt about a song, it was truly his view on the world.

He got a kick out of playing the blues. He loved the complex riffs, the way his guitar could just sing! He taught me how free-form improvisation and lyrics worked together to form questions and answers in a song. Those of you who heard him play Stormy Monday know what I mean.

You couldn’t keep your head, feet, and hands from moving to the beat. He’d look through the crowd and see people having a good time. And yet, he would rarely smile on stage. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy the attention he was getting, or the job he was doing. No, Lawrence was concentrating. Measuring to an acute exactness pitches, volume levels, and timing. To Lawrence, a good performance was the ultimate reward.

The second answer Lawrence had was a love of humor. He once told me that if he ever lost his sense of humor, he couldn’t survive all the hurt. Everyone that was close to him knew that it was serious when even Lawrence couldn’t smile.

I smile just writing this. I think about the crazy things he would say to people in the crowd, or how he was always able to overcome a heckler. He was as sharp as a tack. You could hardly feel more foolish than to get into an argument with Lawrence. Especially when you were arguing about his own behavior!

One day, I remember Lawrence, Sheila, and I were in a busy Scranton drugstore. We were all trying to avoid Lawrence that day because he was in one of his comic moods. He kept following behind us, making faces, and was very loud. You could hear him laugh from the other end of the store. It was embarrassing. It was somewhat intimidating, but you couldn’t deny, it was also incredibly funny. He finally caught up to us standing in a long line waiting for the cashier. I was busy looking at some batteries or something on the counter – hoping that he wouldn’t notice me. Of course, he came up behind me and all but yelled, "HEY CHUCK! Need some BATTERIES?!", slapping me on the back… HARD! Then he turned to Sheila. He pulled his pants up to his chest, screwed up his eyes, and said in a gimp-like voice, "Sheeeelllla, Sheeeeelllla"!

Then, without warning and on the spot, he broke into a raunchy song about Sheila to the tune of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer". I won’t repeat here what he said, but I can tell you that Sheila’s face was never redder than that day! The customers waiting in line at first didn’t know what to think, but finally got the joke. What was so unique about Lawrence is that he could keep up that energy level for a long time. He always claimed it was all the drugs he was on, but no one on any kind of drug could maintain the level of enthusiasm that he had. He wanted to make you laugh. He NEEDED to make you laugh. Sooner or later, no matter how angry you tried to get at him, you’d laugh.

The third thing that kept my friend alive was his love. This is not to say that he (in his passing) had in any way lost love for anyone. No, I believe his body failed to contain the living spirit of his love because it seemed to have no bounds.

It would be hard to list all of the people he cared for. Even people that he hadn’t seen in years he still cared for in a special way. We used to talk for hours about our love interests. I managed to discover the truth about Lawrence and Sheila long before they told most other people. I remember Lawrence years ago telling me how much he needed Sheila, and how he hoped he could make her happy.

In Sheila, Lawrence found the strength to keep going, even when things seemed hopeless. She seemed tireless, and determined to keep him in good spirits. There is no doubt in my mind that Sheila managed to give us a little more time with this great man. No one who attended their wedding doubted the love they had was genuine. Sheila, many times since then, when I think of him, I remember the wonderful day that was yours and his.

In Holly, she brought hope to him through her youth, and vigor. It is my belief that Lawrence had known for some time that Holly would have to be the one to carry on his legacy.

In his friends, he demanded nothing, rarely asked for anything, and was always ready to help.

On this sad occasion, I spoke to many that remembered Lawrence to me. Most of what I heard was comments that amounted to, ‘He was SUCH a nice guy. Why’d this have to happen to him?’ I can’t give you a good answer to that question.

He had made it clear to me that while he didn’t intend on giving up, he knew that sooner or later his disease would catch up to him. Was Lawrence making a conscious effort to be perfect because he wanted to be remembered that way, or because he truly was a naturally caring and gifted individual? I can’t give you an answer to this question either. I think about it this way – regardless of his motivation to do the right thing, and treat people with respect and love, his actions always counted more than words.

One thing is certain... Lawrence had his pride. He didn’t like to be pitied, or coddled. When he lost his leg, I remember the thing that seemed to bother him the most was what people were going to think of him. At that point, it would’ve been easier for him to stop playing out, and slow down his activities, but somehow, he couldn’t.

One of the last songs I ever heard Lawrence do was a song he wrote called, "It’s not the end." I truly believe that indeed, ‘it’s not the end’. Lawrence had a profound effect on people. He introduced me to a whole new world of music, he taught me that life is so precious and our time is too short to not express ourselves and who we are before it’s too late. He encouraged me to play and sing, he was always an ear to listen in my most desperate times.

I quit smoking in part because I felt so ashamed that I should smoke cigarettes and ruin my health, while my friend grasped everything he could to hold on to his own life. It’ll be a year on October the 31^st. I wonder what any of us would do if we were told that we needed to change our lifestyles to survive. How many of us wouldn’t at least try?

To Sheila, he gave the love she so desperately wanted all her life. And even though their time together was short, it was rich. They were complete together. In so many ways, they seemed to be a perfect fit for each other. Most people can rarely claim that definition in their own relationships. The giving happened more often than the taking. Their love was a textbook definition of how our own marriages should be.

To Holly, he gave all the attention that a travelling musician could. Whenever he had the chance, Lawrence was spending time with his daughter. It’s a relief to know that much of Lawrence goes forward in her. She is also bright, talented, full of energy, and fun to be with. If there was anything he liked to boast about, it was her achievements.

To his fans, he gave what they craved most: the best music he could play and the humor to help them forget all their troubles. He was a master at playing to the crowd’s emotion. In short, he knew what you all wanted to hear.

Sadly, I didn’t get a lot of time to see Lawrence in his last days. After the recent birth of my own son, and my move to D.C., I was hard pressed to find the time to visit as often as I should have. It’s too late to wonder what he might have said to me before he left us.

But instead, I’ll leave you all with an image that I have. Think back now, and try to remember Lawrence. Think of his smile, his laugh. His laugh alone could make you laugh. Think on that and smile yourself. Today his suffering is over, and you are yet alive to think on him, and remember not the pitiable, but the polished. His wit, music, and laughter will be with us for the rest of our lives. To forget him, is to truly bury him. Thankfully, it’s hard to forget this man. I hope when God claims my life, that I leave the same kind of impression on people as Lawrence left with all of us. Were it not for Lawrence, I wouldn’t know where to start.

Your Friend,

Chuck